Moms

[xmassmurdere]

what i dont get is that we would argue and something comes up then she says something like, "if you dont like it here, why dont you move out?" and i go, "id love to, cant wait till i get to go to college then im going to the east coast" but when she is in a good mood she'll be like dont leave blah blah blah
really annoying
so when i am in my room an she isnt here i just think about things or go to websites like this just to get away from it all for a little while

[cotton]

MOVE OUT??? You are only 13. Where does she want you to go?

I think I should stay away from my mom for the next few days even tho she lives right next door to me But usually that is what I do. Not that it works but I always get the need to stay away when she does this stuff. I already told my husband that if the doorbell rings tomorrow not to answer it cause I think she may be coming back.

[xmassmurdere]

Wow you live next door to your mom?
When I was younger, she used to threaten to send me back to China to live on a farm with my dad's relative's friend that used to be my babysitter back when I lived in China. Now, when she does that I just go great, I'm bound to have more fun than living here.
My mom thinks I like to live with her sister more because she is kinda rich for the people in China. So I have to constantly repeat myself that I like living there because I actually enjoy it and because she doesnt nag me 24/7
I lead a more ridiculous life than necessary

[lammy]

Yes my mom tells our customers that I am not like her, that I don't smile and blah-blah-blah....and she says that if I wasn't her daughte that she wouldn't get along with me cause I tell her things straight up-well I am older and I am not going to hold anything back-plus she can't smack me-LOL!!

I don't care what she says,it is her that has to answer to God the things she tells me-

[dina]

iam terribly sorry 4 u guys really so sorry . cotton start getting close to ur mom i know it is hard u both dun agree with each other do 4 her something nice like a cake or hot drink always smile @ her face try to make her feel that she is having a wrong idea about u.take her to the mall or super market go shopping do some thing fun like cinema or having dinner out side try to keep ur room & ur daughter very clean to make her having no reason 4 bothering u .if all the nice ways r out stART A PEACEFULL MEANS ask someone of ur family help like ur uncle or aunt choose ur fav realative but try to choose someone she likes & trust ask ur dadys help ask ur husband help try to discuss ur prob with her get close to her.try to get a new work i no it is not easy but try to decrease ur special time ur sparetime to look around ask every one u no to help even wid ideas try to contact any departement in ur government to help u i no u probably tried all this but whenever u feel u cant stand this any more remember ur daughter & how u will be a great grand mom in the promising future GOD willing dun worry try to increase ur efforts & to reduce the money u r spending gud luck

[cotton]

Anybody who knows my Mom will tell you it is impossible to please her matter of a fact right before she came over my daughter helped me make supper and she bought some over to them and they said it was great but then next thing I know my mom is going thro my house like a tornado and it is not like her house is spotless and she doesn't even have children living her. Even when she comes over and all of my house is clean she finds something else to get mad about. She is very controlling, a perfectionist and she suffers from depression. Which makes me wonder if Jim is like her in anyway cause I know he suffers from all 3 of those too.

BTW my daughter is clean it is her playroom that gets messy not her and what does money have to do with this?

[mav]

I agree with Filomena in that outside mediation does help sometimes, temporarily for sure. Trying to please her would also work temporarily. But your mom has to find out the root of her unhappiness.

[xmassmurdere]

I think I know what mu mum's problems are but there isnt much I can do to help.

[mav]

That's true. I've recently also felt that my trying to help is not really helping I don't have the solutions.
And I also feel that my kins may not change but I can change, or adapt.... that I can condition the mind rather than the other way round. But I'm not very malleable, so change is very very slow. It's really difficult to put oneself in a place of not being understood and yet trying to understand someone.
-

[xmassmurdere]

i cant even start to adapt
it is like adapting to the stone age!!!

[mav]

Yes, ur right. But it's worth the effort, else everyone on the boat will sink, unless ofcourse you give up and move onto another boat. But I believe every boat will have a person who rocks it!
You are very young... believe me, I'm still in the Kindergarten of life

[xmassmurdere]

you are right when i am in a good mood, i try to adapt but it is useless because whenever i try to tell her my position, i get cut off and she starts lecturing me on something
we also cant comunicate my parents speak chinese and barely know english but i use english most and there are alot of chinese words that i dont know

[mav]

Your situation is certainly graver than mine and I too would be at a complete loss. Communication cannot be one way. Have you tried chanting? It can block unwanted sounds to some extent.

Have I not mentioned 2 words yet? - God and counselling.
I think our moms should put their problems in God's hands rather than on our heads.
If I could I would make counselling freely available to everyone. It does help. But it can also become a chronic treatment.
-

[Janel]

Here is what I tell my kids....

I need you to know that I am doing the best that I can. I promise to continue to learn more, to grow and to be the parent you need me to be. But if you feel that I or any other adult fails you in any way, it is important for you to choose what you did and did not like......take responsibility for how you allow yourself to be molded....take on the traits that you believe in and discard the things about the adults in your life that you feel do not serve you.....

Never allow your circumstances to dictate what kind of character you have! It hurts to have a mom that yells at her grown daughter--determine to be a mother that seeks to HEAR and UNDERSTAND her daughter!! ALWAYS! Your daughter sees the hurt that your mother inflicts upon you. Give her a better model! Be a mom she longs to grow up to be!

What a blessing to have a Chinese and American heritage!! Bless your future children by determining now to teach them BOTH Chinese and English so that they will be able to communicate with their grandparents. Determine to communicate with your parents in Chinese and ask to learn new words occasionally....all the things that you feel that your parents do that dishonor you, choose to do the thing that brings honor. NEVER let what you perceive as misguided parenting or lack of love determine how you respond and who you will be in the future......your choices NOW will shape who you are in the future.

No one can be strong for you. (Unfortunately!! ) Cry for awhile---be alone and regroup---but CHOOSE strength. Vent some, complain here online, get it out and then return encouraged by the fact that the rest of the human race is right there with ya!

[cotton]

Thanks for the advice everyone. My Mom is impossible tho.