I feel it more lately. There was the longest time that I really walked around kind of half-alive. Always trying to do the right thing, but dealing with a lot of internalized pain, too. But awakening to this spiritual thing is almost a little like dying by bits. I just don't know what to do with it. Everything makes sense and no sense at the same time. Right now, I think a hot bath and some body lotion would be good. Wish I had someone to rub it on me.
Single girl's angst.
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Does Jim still...?
yeah, i seem to have spent my whole life just gazing into the sky....feeling the power of something but not understanding why or what.......lol.........
(all my school reports said i spent too long gazing out of the window....lol) but because i've felt like this for most of my life i just 'go with the flow now'........yeah i question why and who sometimes.....but mostly it's about acceptance..........but if i do have a questioning/searching phase...(i'm in one now)......it's not a scary thing.......ultimately any faith is about love and hope and acceptance........who cares if it's through Christ or Buddha or Islam.............it's that safe warm feeling you have in your soul which is important........... 
fluffy  Fluffy
well said fluffy!
quirky, you said before, that someone called you a "baby" christian (i think it was said by your brother). i've heard that term a lot by "old" christians. personally, that term "baby" offends me. the way i see it is, yes, there are degrees of one's knowledge of their beliefs but you may have a more firm grasp on the concept of christianity (and other religions) than someone who has been "born-again" for 30 years. you are a very intelligent person from what i can tell (weren't you on jeopardy?) and you should feel very confident in the fact that you are able to reason - although it may make you question things more, i don't believe that's a bad thing. i truly think God welcomes debate - i shows him we are not a stagnant creation. 
quirky, you're going to be fine. go with the flow awhile, let fate drive for a bit. it's a little strange at first but just see where you go and decide when you need to grab the wheel
You know, since I had my vision of the end of the world (which came after inviting Jesus into my heart) and three days of fasting and insomnia, mystical and wonderful things are happening every day. But it's also tempered with some anxiety. Kind of like the Tom Petty song "Learning to Fly".
"When in doubt, tell the truth."
Mark Twain
wow quirky...i'd love to hear of your dream if it you'd like to share it and what mystical things have happened? i find these things fascinating. just the pure symbolism of the dream is beautiful - the end of the world as you know it when you've accepted jesus - cool.
Well...basically there were several messages. One was that God is very angry with his children. I got a sense that God is particularly mad at bigotry against homosexuals. Excluding them from his church, if you will.
I also had a palpable sense of being gassed. As in biochemical weapons, I drank the water from our local water system and it tasted like it had been poisoned. So then I started to pray for God to change the hearts of terrorists who would attack us that way. One night I felt as though the my area was under a nuclear attack, so I started to pray that we come to some sort of a detente with North Korea and Iran. At the same time, I know that what will be, will be...but I feel safe because I know that ultimately, my home is with God. I really feel there is wisdom in many religions, but that Jesus died for our sins, so there is no need to feel guilty (I struggle with this because I have done some things of which I'm not too proud), but God also reminds me at odd moments of all the things I've done which have been Christian...things I had forgotten. And before this happened I had a lot of pain in my body. My dentist is kind of losing it and he had found cavities...in my last month of work in the ER (I had insurance) he could not work me in to get them fixed. I had been having tooth pain, but since this happened I don't have any pain in my body. I also had back pain and it's gone. I was having bad left heel pain and it's not there. I was occasionally gasping for breath due to my smoking and I'm not anymore. There's just a lot of stuff. "When in doubt, tell the truth."
Mark Twain
I went out to see my friend Joel, who is gay and to tell him about my revelation and we had a great discussion about religion and homosexuality and I asked him if there was a local church for homosexuals, but he said he didn't like it because he thought it was exclusionary and that they need to be in the wider body of the church, not excluding themselves.
Anyway, right before I left I opened my Bible to the book of Joel and the headline as I looked down to my left at the local paper was, "Controversy over Gays in the Church". So anyway, I had a nice time out with Joel and then one of his friends who is a hard partier with a limo called him up and he said, "So and So wants to go out on the town." I said, "Well....I'm game." We went over to another bar with a couple of friends and soon I just felt like I should go home. So I followed my instincts. As I got in my car, I saw that the limo was there and his "hard partying" friend was in town. When I turned on my car the radio was playing "That's what friends are for." I kind of felt plucked from a bad situation. "When in doubt, tell the truth."
Mark Twain
thank you for sharing those things. it helps to hear that other people have those odd "coincidences" too. i'm just trying to distinguish what my "coincidences" mean.
you see, so far in my life i have been very fortunate. i have moved up my career by not only working hard but also just "by chance" meeting the right people at the right time. some of those people are still in my life and some aren't. it's interesting to see how "destiny" works. i met my significant other that way - he literally came to my door - but now i am faced with the harsh reality that i don't think we were meant to be together (we've been together 12 years). one example: we tried having kids and miscarried twice but yet, after many tests, the drs found nothing wrong with me. and now, i'm not sure if this is who i need to be with. was this a sign? i'm wracking my brain over this one. i'm 36, can i really start over again? i know i can but i just don't know if i want to but then again will i be more miserable if i stay where i am? ](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Wall")
sorry, i'm just very distraught today - we had such an awful fight last nite that still is going on - it's all i can think about. maybe that's why i keep having Jim dreams - a little escapism never hurt, right?! 
The fact that I'm on this site at all is one of those mystical things. I wasn't a Jim Carrey fan. My mom, who was a born again Christian out of the blue one day said, "That Jim Carrey is a good-looking man". It was out of character for her, but I remember it so distinctly. She also had times she'd have visions, I think. She said she had a vision of me speaking to a really large gathering of people. Which may or may not have come true when I was on Jeopardy. She was diagnosed with a brain tumor in her forehead and the surgery following it left her with brain damage, but she is happy. She was a nurse.
Anyway...I found the site by Googling one day...I don't even know why and I'd post every once in awhile. Then one day I got annoyed by another site I posted on and came here more often for an escape. That's around the same time fluffy joined. So, I guess I'm on this journey...I don't even know why I post, I just do. "When in doubt, tell the truth."
Mark Twain
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